"The secret ingredient is always love." – Anonymous
Once, after personally cooking a staff meal for the prep crew, I stood off to the side with my sous chef, beaming like a proud poppa as they tore into the food.
Sensing my smugness, my sous chef elbowed me into the present by saying, “Don’t think for a moment that just because you cooked them a meal, any one of them wouldn’t gut you like a fish in your sleep.”
Shocked at his assertion, I asked him what he meant. He replied, “Telling people what to do isn’t the same as leading them.”
I walked away, as the song says, dazed and confused.
I considered how I came up and how my chefs treated me; hazing, denigration, and humiliation were all tactics employed by my de-facto role models.
If it was good for the goose, wasn’t it also good for the gander?
Had I, up to that point in my career, only been an empty starched white jacket pushing people around with the authority afforded my position?
Was I simply the ‘tyrant in the high chair’ as described in Robert Moore and Douglas Gillette's book King, Warrior, Magician, Lover?
So began my 20-year investigation into culinary leadership best practices.
I ultimately discovered that what is most often described as Leadership is, in actual application, Mentorship.
“Tell me and I forget, teach me and I may remember, involve me and I learn.” ~ Benjamin Franklin
Most, if not all, of us can remember that magic moment in our careers when someone older, wiser, and more skilled took an interest in us.
We willingly become their apprentice if we are lucky enough at that moment.
For me, it took almost burning my career and life to ashes to realize that there was someone right in front of me who saw me beyond my position on the schedule and held me to the possibility of greatness that he alone could sit at that time and was willing to mentor me.
Once I let go of my hubris, arrogance, and bravado, I became a willing participant in that relationship, which changed my life forever.
Without that grounded relationship, I would have become a statistic, another casualty of promise squandered.
That man, Ed Jamison, was my mentor.
Who was that for you in your life and career?
“True education does not consist merely in the acquiring of a few facts of science, history, literature, or art, but in the development of character.” ~ David O. McKay
‘Leader’ is defined as any person or thing that leads or conducts, one who goes first, one who has authority to direct, or as a person or thing that leads in a certain field in terms of excellence or success.
This would seem enough in some industries, but in today’s economy, where most kitchens are chronically understaffed, we may need to shift our perspective about how we lead and coach our teams.
The current statistics state that for each employee who makes less than $30,000 a year, we lose replacement and training costs, which average $3,800 per employee.
If a moral imperative doesn’t sway you to consider changing your leadership style, then the economics sure as hell should.
‘Mentor’, on the other hand, is defined as a knowledgeable person who holds vast experience and perspective in a particular area and is open to sharing his or her life experiences to advance the personal and professional growth of a younger person.
In essence, mentoring is a developmental partnership that offers you an outlet to use some of the incredible knowledge you have gathered throughout the years to benefit the growth of a younger or less mature person.
A good leader isn’t necessarily always a good mentor, but a good mentor will always be a good leader.
“Students are taught how to do things, but many are not forced to reflect on why they should do them or what we are here for.” ~David Brooks
Chefs in today’s profession are often asked or left to wear many hats: leader, coach, teacher, trainer, father confessor, addiction counselor, human resource specialist, etc., often with little or no formal training.
If we stack those hats and compress them into two main ones, they might look like this:
1.) Teaching Skills & Training Best Practices, and
2.) Mentoring Maturity
Everyone can probably agree on point #1, but some might balk at point #2.
“Chef, isn’t it enough to teach skills? Shouldn’t prospective crewmembers show up already armed with maturity?”
The short answer is ‘yes’. It would be reasonable to expect someone to conduct themselves professionally, but from my experience, just because they should doesn’t always mean that they will.
There isn’t enough space in this article to adequately state why, but today’s culinary crew members often come into your kitchens un-initiated and immature.
This is not a judgment or a slam but simply an observation.
Hadn’t I been a young shining light once too?
Wasn’t I once completely ungrounded, a wild mix of talent, hope, and energy – more aspiration than inclination?
You were young once, too, right?
If we ever want to end the endless cycle of hiring and training replacement employees, we’ll need to dig a little deeper and apply some techniques for being better mentors.
Our biggest success in our careers should be the legions of mature professionals mentored in our kitchen laboratories who have moved on and become great mentors themselves. It is not an obligation but an opportunity to secure a legacy beyond our momentary culinary achievements.
1. ) Realize that You Can Mentor Anyone at Any Time
Every moment of contact with an associate is an opportunity to mentor if we take the time to see them beyond what they do for us. It takes a few moments to ask about their home life, family, or passions.
Research by The Search Institute shows that the presence of a caring, non-parent adult in young people's lives could be the tipping point for their future.
2.) Model Consistent Best Behaviors/Practices Always
From a crisp uniform to addressing fellow associates respectfully, always use your best judgment and manners when conducting your business
Remember that your crew is constantly looking to you for emotional cues on how to react in the kitchen; show them what mature professionalism looks and acts like when handling stressful situations, powder keg moments, and disgruntled patrons, fellow managers, or associates with wisdom, patience, and grace.
Game out or role-play similar situations with your mentees, one-on-one, so that they are prepared when they first face the fire and learn how not to take it personally
3.) Be Emotionally Intelligent
The difference between a mentor/mentee relationship versus a coaching or training relationship is longevity. Oddly enough, the mentee is best served for long-term success, and so are you when you are sincere, vulnerable, and discreet. ‘Banking emotional capital’ is a process best done when someone sees you, and you see them as a human being and as someone separate from what they do for a living.
Use mentoring moments, whether next to them dicing vegetables, setting up a station for service, or plating a banquet, as a way to share stories of when you were coming up, the challenges you faced, and how you viewed the world, profession, and craft in overcoming them.
Invite them to peer beyond the operational decisions being made into the decision-making process and all the information you used to reach that particular conclusion; they may face the same conundrum at some point in their careers.
It may prove much more useful for them to know how you made that decision rather than what it actually was.
4.) Talk Less, Listen More
For some of us, like me, this may be tough, but it pays off huge dividends in the end. Most of us have been taught that for an operation to run cohesively, there can only be one voice in the room, and if you’re expediting service for 300, then you would be right.
However, when it comes to mentoring, the science is finding the right question to ask, and the art is actively listening. Asking open-ended questions allows someone else to contribute to you—unless, of course, you just want someone to parrot your opinion.
The relationship is enhanced when you allow someone else to have a voice. You are still the decision maker, but inviting others as stakeholders to the conversation builds comradery and a sense of community. I know a chef who holds almost all meetings by committee, creating space for others to develop their critical thinking skills.
More often than not, their communal decisions are the same as those he would have made unilaterally, but now everyone else is emotionally invested in the decision.
It's a way of sharing the responsibility of managing an operation with committed individuals who will shoulder their part of the grand bargain.
Active listening takes courage because you’re opening yourself up to the opinions of others, but a grounded, mature chef will always want an inclusive environment. After all, he has nothing to fear; it is always an addition to the mix and does nothing to diminish his authority – quite the contrary - by holding the container for others in a neutral and non-judgmental way, only further cements his legacy as a great mentor.
Inevitably, all culinarians remember the stories of the chefs who led them, but they’ll often only tell the tale of that one chef who was their true mentor.
Which story do you want your culinarians to tell about you after they have moved on?
Leave your comments below; I answer every one of them.
Until next week, stay tall & frosty,
